I’m not a mother yet. I don’t the feeling of a mother/daughter relationship. I don’t know how it feels to be a mom worried about her child, but I know how it feels to be a daughter worried about her mother. I think the comparison can be made because parents worry sick about their children. Teenagers are wild, reckless, and their brains aren’t fully developed yet. My mom is wild, reckless, and her brain cells are fried from years of drug abuse.
It’s 1 am. I had to confront her tonight because she brought a friend over that she got high with last time. I finally told her that I know what she’s up to and that while she’s living in my home, this isn’t going to take place. In true addict fashion, she played it off as if it wasn’t a big deal. She came home when I was sleeping around 11:30 and left quickly after. Now it’s 1 am and I cannot imagine what she’s doing. Actually, I can imagine it but I’d rather be ignorant.
What really stresses me out is that I know I am going to have to give up on her soon. I’ve given her an ultimatum and I’m quite sure that she made her choice when she walked back out that door tonight. She chose her meth addiction over me, over her life.
I don’t understand. At 49 years old you would think that she would want a normal life. I realized last night that she will never think she has a problem. For 18+ years, she’s been an addict, so her “normal” is getting high. She thinks that people get high all the time in their households. She doesn’t think it’s wrong. She thinks it’s just something that people do.
She doesn’t realize that cringing when you see a police officer, peeping out of the blinds, sneaking out of your daughters house, lying to people that love you, staying up for days on end, and then crashing for 16+ hours each day is NOT normal.
You can’t help anyone that doesn’t want to help themselves. You can’t be sympathetic, patient, and soft with an addict. They NEED to be cut off. They NEED to be given the ultimatum. They NEED to hit rock bottom. They NEED everything to be taken from them to realize that they have nothing left.
The difficult part is being the one to take it all away and pretend that you know it’s the right thing to do. Being an empathetic woman, I have a difficult time separating my heart and my mind.
Waiting up for an addict is unbearable, stupid, confusing, disheartening, embarrassing, and borderline manic.
Thank you for reading another volume in the Pretties TCOAA (The Child of An Addict) Addiction Series. This is a series to raise drug addiction awareness. I decided to begin this series when I realized how many people were curious about me being the child of an addict. This was just life for me growing up. I never realized until I became an adult, that I didn’t grow up like everyone else. Yes, I had friends with parents that were amazing. I knew that my childhood was different, I just didn’t realize that it was interesting or a learning experience for other people… Read the Full Back Story here
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