I never thought that being in a real adult relationship would change me so much. I was always the type that said I wouldn't change for any man… until, I did. Then, I realized that my entire life had changed. Here are 10 ways a real adult relationship will change your life. Let me know how your real adult relationship has changed your life.
Where do I begin to explain how much my life changed when I entered into an adult relationship? I'm not one of those women who have had 1-2 real relationships in life. I am not ashamed to say that I've been in about 5 relationships that I considered very serious. I've never been the woman who casually dates. It's always been all or nothing for me. I never understood how someone could date around or sleep around. It's never been my style. I always thought I knew what I was doing. I was never in the wrong. I was a bit arrogant in my past relationships. I didn't compromise but expected other to. I said I wanted a future and a life but I would give up so easily when things got rough. Obviously, I realize that it wasn't all me. I've been lied to, cheated on, and hurt in so many different ways. And sometimes, it was the right person at the wrong time. Life has a funny way of working out, though right? It wasn't until I met my fiancé that everything changed.
Now, here I am. 4 years deep into this relationship. I'm engaged and to be frank, I'm flourishing in every way. I feel like I'm winning at life right now and it's not me being arrogant. In fact, it's the opposite. I'm happy to see who I've become. My life has completely changed and it's because of this serious adult relationship that I'm in. I never realized how immature and juvenile my previous relationships were. Now, as I sit here thinking back to who I was and who I am today. I really see how different I am as a person. I look at my new friends and see that they are much like me. Things change when you enter into an adult relationship. They change, a lot.
10 ways a real adult relationship will change your life.
1. You'll stop including your friends in every outing.
I feel bad for my exes. I never went anywhere without my best friend. Every outing, every event, every vacation included her. Which, of course, those are some of my favorite memories, but I'm sure that was very harmful for my relationships. Now, I don't want my friends to be with me all the time. I thoroughly enjoy my alone time with my guy. I love making memories that only him and I got to experience. There are so many special little moments that are sacred to him and I only. Those are the moments that bond us.
2. You'll learn to be vulnerable.
I've always been quite the open book. That is something that was never an issue for me. I'd put it all on the table in the very beginning and people could take it or leave it. However, I didn't fully allowed myself to be vulnerable. Maybe that was because I was burned so many times. Even in the beginning of dating my fiancé, I was very guarded. I didn't want to get hurt. However, in an adult relationship you'll realize that vulnerability is the only way for you to get deep down into the soul of a person.
3. You'll stop worrying and overthinking.
One of the most incredible things about being in a real adult relationship is allowing yourself to relax. I never, ever worry about my fiancé betraying me. I don't have to search through his phone or social accounts. That's petty, immature stuff that doesn't happen in mature relationships. I can still clearly remember feeling a constant sense on uneasiness in other relationships. I never became vulnerable because I could never trust anyone. I don't have to overthink things now. I don't have to worry about losing the one I love over a silly fight. Knowing is one of the best feelings in the world.
4. You'll learn to hold yourself accountable.
I love that I have a man by my side who holds me to my word. He's constantly watching me to keep me on my toes. If I say I'm going to do something, I do it. I hold myself accountable for my promises and actions now. If I screw up, I apologize. If I make a plan or set a goal, I keep it because he makes sure that I do. That's how adult relationships work – you encourage one another, you trust, you push the other to succeed.
5. You'll take on more responsibility.
That's right. A real adult relationship isn't all rainbows and butterflies. Not even close. You have to pick up where they slack off. You're a team, so you're responsible for two instead of one. It really changes your entire life when you start planning for a second person. If you cook dinner, you cook for two. Sometimes your chore load will double. You'll be responsible for making phone calls, appointments, and making plans. It's one of the most rewarding things in life.
6. Real plans for the future begins.
I remember being in immature relationships and throwing the words “marriage” and “kids” around but never really planning anything. It was always “fun” to think about but I didn't really know what it meant to start a life with someone. Now that I'm engaged, planning to buy a house and really thinking about children, everything feels different. It's real and I'm not afraid. I was always so afraid of full committing because it meant letting go of everything from my past. I don't even think about the people that I used to know. Not unless I'm reflecting on how I became who I am today.
7. Privacy will be heightened.
It's amazing how much more private I am now that I'm in a serious, committed, adult relationship. I used to tell my friends about every little issue, every argument, and ever private detail. Privacy wasn't a thing in my past relationships, but now I realize how important it is to keep things to your self. It isn't healthy to tell everyone everything. You need to work through issues as a couple, not with your friends and family. You can't rely on anyone to understand what you're going through. You will not get the best advice from outside sources, either. It's important to learn how to work together to resolve issues. Stay private. It's important for your well-being.
8. You will let go of control.
If you have a very controlling personality, you will learn to let all that go in an adult relationship. You'll have to. You really don't have much of a choice because you can't control everything. I will be the first to tell you that if you're controlling your partner, it will not last long. You are equals. You will have to realize that not everything will go your way. You will have to learn to trust your partner to take care of chores, errands, planning, etc. It's okay to let someone else do something for once. That's how relationships work.
9. You will stop putting yourself first.
I've always been a very selfless person, except for when it came to relationships. I always put myself first, which is really sad to think about. I didn't do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I wouldn't back down from a fight and I never apologized. Even if I was wrong, I'd wait until they apologized. I wanted them to meet my family but wouldn't meet theirs. It's amazing to think that anyone accepted that. Now, I rarely put myself first. He puts me first and I put him first. I always think of him when I make decisions. If I'm making a big purchase, I consider whether or not it would take money away from us, as a team. I do take time for myself, but I don't make myself the #1 priority all the time. You will learn that putting someone else first will make you feel incredible inside!
10. You'll learn who you really are.
And with everything else, you'll find yourself. I mean, really find yourself. You think you know who you are but you really don't know your full potential until you have a partner by your side, pushing you, challenging you, encouraging you. You learn how patient or impatient you are. You will see yourself reflected in their eyes and you will learn where you can improve and where you're already flourishing.
Ladies, seek out a real adult relationship. If something doesn't feel right, it isn't. If every day is a fight or struggle, then you need to move on. It should be you and your partner and that's it. There shouldn't be other people in your relationship. If you aren't seeing all of these changes, then maybe something isn't right. Maybe it's you. Never be afraid of self-reflection or self-improvement. We all need it.
What has changed for you in your adult relationships?
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