When you figure out how to fall in love with yourself – everything changes. You stop living for the world and start living for you. These self-love tips will help you get there.
I write this from experience; from the heart of a woman who didn't love herself until about 6 months ago; from the soul of a woman who has been completely transformed by a lot of self-love.
How To Love Yourself Unconditionally:
Loving yourself, it takes time. It takes nourishment. Falling in love with yourself begins when you stop making excuses for why you can't practice a little self-care. It begins when you stop believing that you're not worthy of real love.
Why is Self-Love So Important?
There are plenty of obvious and commonly talked about reasons why self-love is important: you can't love anybody else if you don't love yourself, you want to set a good example for your children, it decreases the risk of depression, etc. etc.
While all of those are true, there's one major and important reason to love yourself that trumps all:
Self-love is the only constant you have in this lifetime. Loving yourself is the only thing you can control and hold true no matter what life throws your way.
Life is fluid but the love you have for self can be rock solid.
Think about your life up until this very moment. The world has changed a lot. You've lost people for various reasons, many beyond your control. Your body has changed. Your home life is different. Life is fluid but the love you have for self can be rock solid.
So when asked the question, “Why is it important to love myself,” My answer is always, “Because it's the one thing you can keep forever.”
How Do You Know Self-Love is Working?
Another question you may have on your journey through self discovery is, “How do I know self-love and self-care are working?” I can tell you this:
Many things will change when you begin to love yourself. However, the magic of self-love is that you won't notice right away. You'll be so focused on yourself that the world around you will start changing and you'll just be along for the ride.
Here are a few specific signs that self-love is working for you:
- You begin to stand-up for yourself. In particular, you'll notice that you have no fear in standing up to people who once intimidated you.
- You lose people. While the thought of this sounds sad and scary, I promise it's a good thing. Toxic and narcissistic people don't like boundaries. These losses are actually gains.
- You stop negative self-talk. Loving yourself takes a bit of mind control, so you'll notice yourself stopping the self-doubt and mean things before you can finish the thought.
I recommend using these positive affirmations to combat the negative self-talk.
- You talk highly of yourself. Before you learned to love yourself, you may remember saying things like, “I am so clumsy” or “I'd rate myself a 5/10” or “I am just not a great mom.”
When you start to truly love yourself, there will be a shift in your language. Instead you'll use terms like, “I make mistakes sometimes but that's okay” and “I don't try to impress anyone. I am just me and that is enough.”
- You give others grace. Likewise, you'll find yourself becoming more accepting of others. You will no longer judge them because you will see that their differences are beautiful – just like yours are.
Self-love doesn't only change you. That's the beauty of it. Self-love changes everyone around you. Because, when you love yourself and see the love you carry within, you begin to see that in others. Then, you treat them kinder, with more delicacy.
How To Fall In Love With Yourself Madly & Deeply:
Now, that we know the why – let's talk about how to make all of this magic happen. How do you fall in love with yourself? How do you give yourself unconditional love?
1. Accept that you have a purpose.
When you're experiencing depression or just feeling really lost in life, it's easy to think that maybe you don't have a purpose. I hope that after you read this it sticks:
Every human has a purpose. All of us. Nobody is more or less than another. You may not know your purpose yet. In fact, many people live so out of alignment that they never find their purpose.
That will not be you.
You are reading this because you want to love yourself and in loving yourself, you will live your purpose. So, you may not know where to go in life or why you're here but you can still love life.
2. Appreciate the mistakes you make.
If you're anything like I used to be, you beat yourself up for the mistakes you make. You may even go as far as calling yourself names. In order to fall in love with yourself, you need to flip the script.
Thank God, The Universe, or whoever you pray to, for the mistakes and challenges you were given because this is a time for GROWTH.
3. Let go.
If you're holding onto trauma or past hurts, you're blocking yourself from the full love of self that you deserve. If you want to get serious about self-love, you have to let go of grudges and negative experiences. Stop thinking about them and stop talking about them.
If it helps, write it all out on a piece of paper as something you need to release – then crumble it up or burn it.
4. Do nice things for yourself.
This is a huge game changer and this is why:
Doing nice things for others, helps love flow. Think about the last time you went out of your way to cook a nice meal for your husband or when you handled a task that was weighing on someone. Even if they didn't appreciate it – didn't it feel nice to do?
Now, imagine doing nice things for yourself. Not only does it feel good to do whatever it is – you also reap the reward. For example, you finally decorate the walls of bedroom. While you're doing it, you feel great. Then, you get to see what you did for yourself and feel joy every single time.
I'll make a list of nice things to do for yourself at a later time. In the meantime, get creative. Think of the things that make you happy and do those things.
You deserve the effort.
5. Spend time alone – without distractions.
This is probably the most difficult one for more people. Sadly, we've been conditioned to believe that we have to be busy all the time or we are failing.
I also found myself to be very conditioned in my beliefs around time. I told my friends, my spouse, and myself that I just don't have the time for journaling or meditation. This is what I truly believed this until I started loving myself.
Basically, I made the time. I read self-help books while nursing my son and while everyone in the house was sleeping. I literally meditated in the bath (and still do). I'd watch a self-love course while my son played in the backyard. I took advantage of every second I had to spare.
And, it paid off – big time. I didn't notice it until all of the things I mentioned above started to signal that self-love was completely transforming my life.
6. Get in touch with your spiritual self.
Another major game changer in your journey to love yourself will be digging deep spiritually. Please understand, this isn't the same as religion. Spirituality is about getting to know who you are down to your very soul.
It's also about believing in something bigger than yourself. In doing so, you'll learn how important your role is in this world.
7. Trust in Yourself.
When you start to follow your intuition and own your decisions, you'll see how in touch you are with the world and yourself.
Trusting yourself, when you aren't used to it, can be a very scary process. You may question if you're making the right decisions. The only way to overcome this fear is by trusting and believing that you know what is right. Then, following that intuition.
The more you trust and follow your inner voice, the more confident you'll be in doing so.
8. Nourish your mind, body, and soul.
Another way to learn how to love yourself is by nourishing every part of your being. Here are a few examples of how to do so:
- Drink water and feed yourself healthy foods.
- Have intellectual conversations and teach or challenge you.
- Get lost in meditation and prayer as often as you can.
- Move your body by walking, dancing, playing, and working out.
- Read books that entertain you.
- Learn new things – we should never stop educating ourselves.
If you're going to open yourself up to unconditional love, you need to also be open to forgiveness. Forgiveness is about you. I wrote an article about forgiving without an apology that can be a great help with forgiving others.
However, I want to see you forgiving yourself. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made. Forgive yourself for the person you used to be. Please, forgive yourself for how you once treated your mind and body.
10. Put in real effort.
Finally, if you really want to learn how to fall in love with yourself, you must be 100% committed. You can't begin any journey with half-heartedness. Give it a real, genuine effort.
When it comes to self-love, you will only fail if you quit. By putting in the work it takes in learning how to fall in love with yourself, giving it your full dedication, and not giving up – you will be an advocate for self-love.
When it comes to self-love, you will only fail if you quit.
Please tell me in the comments below which of these tips helped you in learning how to love yourself.
If you're experiencing depression, self-harm, or suicidal thoughts – please seek medical help. I am not a doctor or licensed therapist. I'm just a woman who loves watching women love themselves.
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