There are many obvious things not to say to a mom. Then, there are underhanded negative comments like these that need to stop asap!
Sometimes I feel like I was just thrown into motherhood without a life jacket. Many of those times, it feels like sharks are preying on me but the sharks are other mothers, friends, and even relatives.
In a world so full of people, motherhood can be a very lonely thing; Especially when you’re surrounded by judgement. We live our lives for our children and right when we think we’ve got a good grasp on parenting – some jerk comes along with a rude comment or question.
Is he circumsized? You’re going to stop breastfeeding soon, right? You let him sleep in the bed with you! You’re spoiling him.
Listen, I’m only a year into this crazy parenting thing and I feel like I’ve heard it all. I am so over the underhanded comments and prying questions. The judgmental looks and nosey stares are getting old, too. Basically, you shouldn’t be surprised if I give you the finger for staring as I’m breastfeeding my son in public!
Basically, you shouldn’t be surprised if I give you the finger for staring as I’m breastfeeding my son in public!
Sadly, these aren’t isolated incidents. In an effort to find out if I’m just crazy, I reached out to other mothers just to see how many might be dealing with the same thing. I was left feeling flabbergasted at some of the responses I received.
Being a mother these days feels like you’re playing roller derby on the daily. Can we go back to the 80’s when kids ran around the neighborhood till one of the moms decided to bring out the sandwiches and Kool-Aid with no judgement?– Katrina Ellen with MommyhoodLife.com
As a mother and a woman, it’s my responsibility to stand up for my sisters. We are humans and deserve to live our lives in peace, without judgement, and with respect. This means respecting our decisions as mothers and maybe keeping your noses out of our damn coffee.
30 Things We Need To Stop Saying To Moms
These are the things moms are sick of hearing. If you’re reading this and saying to yourself, “I’m just trying to help,” – I really don’t care. You aren’t helping and I’m so over the negative comments.
If we wanted advice – we’d Google it. If we wanted nasty comments, we’d ask for opinions on a public forum.
Step off of our lawns and worry about watering your own. This way, we can go back to being human beings who make great decisions and big mistakes. Kthx.
1. “Cherish These Moments”
I get it. You want new moms to realize how fast time flies and how much they will reminisce on the baby stage.
Moms are sick of hearing this because you’re making us feel like our feelings aren’t validated. You don’t need permission to have bad days and you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty when you do.
As moms, it’s okay to get annoyed with our toddlers and wish they’d just take a damn nap. We are humans with emotions. Stop telling us to “get over it” in a nice way.
2. “Where are the kids?”
Every time I am seen in public without my son, I am flooded with questions about where he is. He is with his father – is that so hard to believe? It’s like people expect me to say, “Oh, I left him at home to fend for himself”.
3. “You going to try for a girl next?”
As a boy mom, this is the rudest and most hurtful question you can ask me. First of all, you don’t know my life. You don’t know if had complications with my last pregnancy or if I’m not able to have more babies.
Additionally, you’re making it sound like life wouldn’t be complete without a little girl. As if a boy isn’t good enough or sweet enough or fulfilling enough. Boys are just as rewarding as girls.
So, no. I am not going to try for a girl next. If I choose to have another child, I will try for a healthy, happy baby.
This commented was also submitted by Shell Feis, Boy Mom of 2 from NotQuiteSusie.com
4. “Oh, it’s not THAT bad.”
After I had my son, I was telling a relative about my painful birth experience and about how exhausted I was. She literally told me, “Oh stop! It’s not that bad”.
I now realize that was only the start of many “grin and bear it” comments I’d be receiving as a mother.
Why are we expected to always have a smile on our faces as we go through the trenches of motherhood? That’s absolute insanity.
5. “You look tired.”
First of all, I am tired. I am tired of cooking, cleaning, playing with a toddler, teaching, waking up 5 times a night, and getting up early every single morning. I’m tired of the negative comments about the dark circles under my eyes and my messy hairdo.
So yeah, I look tired because I am tired. Thanks for pointing it out, though.
6. “I didn’t do that with MY kids.”
Literally, nobody cares. Not a single person cares how you parented your children and if they do care – it’s only to judge you. Like you are judging other mothers.
7. “You’re spoiling them.”
This is the most common comment I hear and it’s always from relatives. News flash: Tending to your child’s needs is not spoiling them! You can never spoil a child with love and care. Never.
8. “What do you do all day?” – to stay-at-home-mothers
Why are stay-at-home-mothers so underrated? Do people really think we just sit around doing nothing? We are everything for everyone at all times.
Cook. Maid. Mom. Wife. Handyman. Entertainment Coordinator. Organizer. Counselor. Referee.
Another mother gets similar comments:“You wanted to be a stay at home mom so why are you so stressed out? Thought this is what you wanted.” – Michelle Hancock from ModernMomLife.com
9. “Why don’t you just give them formula?” – to the working mama
Why don’t you just eat instant potatoes instead of real ones, Karen? Is it so hard to believe that we want to give our child the best possible nutrients?
A working mother who pumps on the job is the most strong and committed type of mother. We should be praising these women, not recommending that they take shortcuts in parenting to convenience others.
10. “It’s about time you stopped breastfeeding, don’t you think?”
It’s about time that you mind your own business, don’t you think? Why is everyone so worried about mothers who are breastfeeding? Extended breastfeeding is natural and supported by the American Pediatrics Association.
Can we please let moms parent their children in the best way they see? You aren’t in their homes so you don’t know their struggles!
11. “Kids will be kids” or “Boys will be boys”
Seriously? Are we really excusing bad behavior by saying it’s just a “kid thing” or a “boy thing”? That’s not okay.
Raise your children. Discipline your children. Teach them right from wrong and never excuse disgusting behavior!
This comment was added by a mother of a middle school girl who is experiencing bullying.
Jennifer Mercurio, mother of a 14, 8, and 5 year old, from DoubleDutyMommy.com added the “Boys will be boys” comment:
No! Boys need to be kind and loving and nice just as society expects girls to be. How about all kids, no matter the gender, behave appropriately and respectfully towards adults and other kids? What a novel idea.
12. “That kids needs a good spanking!”
This comment literally makes me cringe. How dare someone ever tell me how to discipline or punish my child?
13. “You do know where babies come from, right?” – to the mom with a large family
Did you know that parents actually choose to have large families? That they want to raise decent human beings? A mother who chooses to create a big family should be praised for her will to love – not be degraded because of it.
This comment was submitted by two mothers with families full of sweet children.
14. “I thought you weren’t going to have more kids?”
Again, why is this anyone’s business? Clearly you thought wrong because that mama is bringing another beautiful life into the world!
Comment Submitted By: Alicia Vanatta, Mom of 4, ChitChatMom.com
15. “Your kids have TVs in their rooms!?”
Only bad moms allow kids to have TVs in their rooms! What kind of monster are you? How dare you allow your children to be entertained by anyone but you!
Comment Submitted By: Tessa Smith, Mom of two girls ages 6 and 7, MamasGeeky.com
16. “Must be nice to let your kids sleep in!”
DUH! What mom doesn’t want their kids to sleep in so they can soak up every ounce of “me time” they can get?
Comment Submitted By: Tessa Smith, Mom of two girls ages 6 and 7, MamasGeeky.com
17. “I don’t know how you do it as a Special Needs parent”
I’d imagine this makes a Special Needs mother feel like they are saying her child is too much to handle which isn’t the case at all.
You know how they do it? They just do it. They love their children and work hard for them just like other moms do.
18. “Why wouldn’t you give him/her a sibling?”
This goes right along with “are you trying for a girl next”. Don’t ask questions that you aren’t ready to hear an answer to.
Is it wrong to have only one child if it’s all you can afford? Wouldn’t you feel bad if you knew a mother had fertility issues? Don’t just assume everyone has it easy!
Comment submitted by: Tabitha Willette, mother of an 8-year-old, tabbyspantry.com
19. “That’s not Autism – it’s lack of discipline!”
*Insert Gasps Here* How dare anyone say this to a mother! To blame a mother for a developmental disorder is absolutely absurd and as insensitive as it gets.
The mother who submitted this had more to say about the nasty comments she hears about her child being on the spectrum:
Is autism really a thing, or just bad parenting?.cWell why didn’t they have autism in my generation? You medicate your kids? You’re poisoning them to make things easier for you! Well you vaccinated them what did you expect? I would just go feed him to the alligators…. (because my son was rocking back and forth while waiting for the monorail in line at Disney).
This goes far beyond mom shaming. It’s downright nasty and absolutely no mother should have to hear these comments at all, much less on a regular basis!
Comment submitted by: Katrina Ellen with MommyhoodLife.com
20. “I did it with my child and they turned out okay!”
Just because you took a risk with your child doesn’t mean that other mothers are willing to do the same.
I also got this unsolicited advice when I was pregnant. “It’s okay to drink as much soda as you want. Your dr doesn’t know what she’s talking about”.
Being that I had Gestational Diabetes, that was horrible advice.
Also, there are new studies every single day that dismiss old wives tales and old parenting practices. What used to be considered safe 5 years ago, much less 30 years ago, isn’t acceptable now.
Specifically, we aren’t putting whiskey on our baby’s gums or letting them cry it out anymore.
21. “Oh, that candy will not hurt them.”
When a mother says to not give her child candy, sugar, juice, or anything else – obey her wishes. Respect her parenting methods and give her the benefit of the doubt.
You never know what sort of allergies or special diet her child has. We do these things for a reason. Not because it’s the trendy thing to do.
My children’s diet is my business and certain foods DO hurt them!– Ari Adams from LovePeaceAndTinyFeet.com
22. She shouldn’t be wearing that.
Please, keep your eyes to yourself if you don’t like what a child is wearing. You aren’t the mother or the child. Showing skin isn’t indecent. This is 2019 not 1943.
When she’s wearing knee high socks, shorts that hit just above the knee, and a full coverage loose T-shirt. Sexualizing a 9 year old isn’t appropriate!– Nicole Taylor – Mother of a 9-year-old who dresses herself.
23. What are you feeding him/her?!
Wow this is just a rude way of calling a child overweight. Haven’t people learned by now that all bodies are unique and different?
These are the comments that kill a child’s self-esteem. How can a child ever be confident when they are being told they eat too much or don’t fit the mold? There is not a textbook description of how a child should look.
This comment was submitted by: Mariah Moon at TheSimpleParent.com
24. Was he/she planned?
What does it matter? A planned pregnancy definitely isn’t any more or less special than an unplanned pregnancy.
Usually I just smile and say yes, but I’d like to say: Why yes, she was planned down to the exact timing of ovulation because I have had infertility issues for every baby I’ve had.Stephanie Pass, Mother of 2, 9, 15, and 19-year-old, thetiptoefairy.com
Stop asking mothers intimate details about their children and pregnancies. If they wanted you to know these details, they’d freely offer this information.
25. I see you’re wearing your “mom clothes”? (HARO)
Oh. Hell. To. The. NO. Could people be anymore rude? Like seriously, this is basically calling a mother lazy.
This comment must be made by people who don’t have children. I couldn’t imagine a mother making this comment. Then again, nothing surprises me anymore.
Commented Submitted By: Heidi McBain, mother of a 13 and 10-year-old, www.heidimcbain.com
26. Isn’t it about time he’s potty trained?
I am waiting for the day that someone says this to me so I can offer for them to come potty train my son.
Being a mother isn’t easy and all children are different! The child who started talking early may be potty trained later. The learning curves are different for all children.
Comment submitted by: Melissa Jirovec, mom of 2.5 year old and 11 month old, www.melissajirovec.ca
27. I’ve really wanted to hangout, but… you’re always with your kids.
Would it be so difficult to include children in your plans? Before I was a mother, I hung out with plenty of moms and their children. I loved seeing my friends as mothers.
Anyone who chooses not to spend time with their “friends” because they have children are truly missing out. Building a relationship with your friend’s children can bring you closer as friends.
Comment Submitted By: Brianna Bartlett, mother of three, ages 8, 4, and 2
28. It must be nice to be able to stay at home with your kids. – said to the stay at home mom.
Yes, it is really nice. It’s also incredibly difficult. We don’t get breaks or quiet time. We don’t get to enjoy our favorite shoes or eat without hands reaching in our plates. Being a stay-at-home-mom means sleeping less and doing more.
29. I could NEVER do that! – to a working mother
Well aren’t you just the perfect little parent? It must be nice to be the end all, be all when it comes to mothers.
Well that’s totally fine, because no one ever asked you to. This is one of the worst things to hear as a working mother. Maybe someone of us just don’t have a choice. Maybe for some the ultimate decision of working boils down to whether you’re going to be able to feed your child. Trust me, I’ll be feeding mine, thanks.Erica Pitts, mother of a 4-year-old and Administrative Assistant, Foundations Wellness Center
Seriously, Susan. We all know that you ignore your kids and feed them junk food, too. The only difference is that you hide it and we don’t. Get off your high horse, lady.
30. It must be nice to get a break from your child! – said to the working mom
It must be nice to feel like you can stick your nose into everyone’s business.
Every mother who works outside of the home will tell you how difficult it is, with tears in her eyes. Nobody wants to miss out on their children.
When did going to work every day become a break? Trust me if I am not dealing with my child at home I am dealing with childish behavior at work. And hey, let’s not forget the stress. This break from my child, which everyone calls it, makes me feel guilty at times. I have plenty of moments where I feel as though things would be different if I was a stay-at-home mom and didn’t have to go to work. I also love being able to financially help my family and help us get ahead in life. Plus, me going to work only allows for a certain period of one on one time with my child and family. It is one vicious circle of feeling guilty.Erica Pitts, mother of a 4-year-old and Administrative Assistant, Foundations Wellness Center
As much as I love working and traveling, not a second goes by when I don’t miss my son or wonder how he’s doing. If you read my blog post on the Crazy Thoughts Moms Have When Traveling Without Their Kids – just imagine the thoughts they have when working outside of the home!
What it boils down to is minding minding your own business and respecting the hard work, dedication, and emotional strength it takes to be a good mother.
Stop mom shaming, stop judging mothers, and stop saying inappropriate, insensitive things to moms! There are many more things not to say to a mom but these are some of the most common!
What rude, negative or annoying comments have you heard, as a mother? Tell me in the comments below!
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