I can’t be the only one who suffered from the third trimester blues. To say that I’m pregnant, lonely, and in pain is seriously an understatement. My emotions are all over the place and all I want is a little comfort that doesn’t come with a statement that says, “it’s worth it.” This one goes out to the imperfect pregnant women who are struggling just like me!
To me, QUALITY means authenticity and transparency. If we can’t be true to ourselves then how can we be a voice for someone else? 2018 is my year of quality which means laying everything on the table, in my real, open, and honest way. My blog is my platform and I want to talk about everything that makes me the broken, beautiful woman that I am in hopes that I can touch someone out there!
So, this one goes out to the moms-to-be who are struggling with the pregnancy blues. I know I’m not the only one. I’ve been afraid to write this but I made a promise to myself and to all of you.
Third Trimester Blues: Pregnant, Lonely, and in Pain
To describe how lonely I feel while dealing with all these pregnancy problems is nearly impossible. I feel like I’m the only one who really understands the emotional turmoil pregnancy puts you through. The women in my family have had different experiences and even so, after 10+ years, they tend to forget the real struggle. As for my husband, obviously he doesn’t get it.
I don’t always express my real pain and feelings because I’m not one to be vocal about every little thing. I don’t hate being pregnant. I’m doing my best to truly embrace every moment because I know it will be over before I know it! I can deal with the physical but it’s hard when your emotions are all over the place.
I’m not sure if any spouse can truly understand what we need as we carry a child. I know it must be difficult to be my husband as he deals with my mood swings, exhaustion, and discomfort. I don’t know what exactly he needs from me but I know what I need from him: extreme amounts of patience, lots of sympathy, pure selflessness (just for a few more weeks), affection, intimacy, massages, compliments, and maybe some special surprises every once in awhile. There’s a lot on his shoulders as he works to provide for our family and I feel like a jerk for asking for anything other than that but I need it. We, as mothers, need these things to keep us going in these last few months! It’s lonely and scary. The little sweet moments make it so much easier.
Constant Pain – everywhere!
Everything hurts in the third trimester. My back is on fire 24/7. My lower back pain (from the baby bump) makes me hunch over when I stand and the pain the the top of my back (from my enlarged breasts) doesn’t get relief unless I lay straight on my back. Which, causes more lower back pain.
People get a look of horror when I speak of pain in my belly but it’s real and it’s normal. My ribs and lower abdomen are in agony from my sweet little angel kicking and punching me in the same spots over and over again. Trust me, I’m beyond thankful to have a very active baby. That doesn’t take away from the pain, though. Standing, laying, and basically moving at all are a complete struggle in the third trimester. That baby is taking up all your space, which makes everything more difficult.
Lack of Sleep
“Get as much sleep as you can, mama.” That’s all I hear but when you’re in constant pain, sleep is nearly impossible. The discomfort is BAD! Every position presents a new ache in a new place. For me, my shoulders, back, and hips get all my weight when I sleep. If you’re lucky, a full body pregnancy pillow will give you some sort of relief. Unfortunately, that’s not my luck this time around. So, I rest when I can and literally thank the good Lord when I do get a good few hours of sleep.
Another contributor to my loneliness is the pressure of actually carrying a child for the first time. I’m constantly worrying that I’ll eat the wrong thing or that I’ll become ill and my baby will suffer because of it. People just don’t understand that we are selfish creatures. Our lives are spent inhaling things we shouldn’t and devouring anything we choose. We are used to taking meds when we feel sick and overexerting ourselves whenever we need to. Carrying a child stops ALL of that! Every single decision we make, as mothers, is with our child in mind. That means we aren’t free to live a messy life. We have no choice but to make the right choices even if it’s not easy or fun or exactly clear to us. It’s easy to put your child first, but it’s STRESSFUL!
Any health concerns I’ve had during my pregnancy, overwhelm me with guilt. Even the pregnancy health issues that are way beyond my control. It’s not logical but it’s what we really feel! It’s a never-ending, overwhelming sense of stress and pressure to be the perfect mommy.
As if we don’t already have enough going on, we have some huge decisions on the horizon. At my last dr appointment she was running a million things by me all at once: pain meds, epidural, vaginal birth, c-section, induction, and I’m staring at her almost dumbfounded because THIS IS REAL and every decision is MINE! Every decision I make will impact my child, my family, and I. These decisions will forever be entrained into the memory book of life. What if there’s complications? What if my decision hurts my baby? Vaccinations. Feedings. Sleeping. Oh my!
I have a lot to think about and to plan for. I’ll follow my own intuition and keep Google as far away as possible. I won’t be sharing my major medical decisions with anyone but my husband and the hospital because I don’t want my decisions altered because of someone’s opinions or own experiences.
I HAVE TO TRUST IN MYSELF, AS MY CHILD’S MOTHER.
These are my first decisions as a mommy and I need to trust my intuition. Women have been successfully having children for all of time, so why can’t I?
Friends & Family reactions to the third trimester blues
If I can give one piece of advice to other women who are experiencing these issues, I’d say to share very little and find peace from within. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard:
- Stay Positive
- Cherish these moments
- It’ll be over before you know it
- It’s all worth it
- It’s just a part of pregnancy
It’s going to frustrate you, drive you crazy, and make you feel like you’re overreacting for having these feelings. Well, you aren’t. Every woman goes through this and the bliss of a new child helps them to forget these problems. It’s okay, mama! Feel everything and don’t be ashamed of it! It’s okay to cry, complain, and express yourself. Just be sure you’re sharing with the people who deserve to be by your side and remember that everyone has an opinion – everyone! If you’re being criticized for your pregnancy journey then it’s their problem – not yours!
Stay strong. Be brave. & Good luck!
Did you feel pregnant and lonely in your third trimester?
This post may contain affiliate links and/or promotional products, all opinions expressed are that of But First, Joy only. Read my full disclosure.