If you aren’t happy with your friendship, you’ve expressed your feelings, and things haven’t changed: Those are a few signs that it’s time for a friendship breakup.
Are all the signs are pointing to the end of a friendship but you still can’t seem to let it go? If you’re not happy and haven’t been for awhile then it’s time to breakup with a friend.
A friendship breakup is different than a romantic relationship ending. You’re saying goodbye to a huge chapter that you’ll never get back but sometimes – it’s necessary.
As women, the older we get the more difficult it becomes to make friends. You’d think that after being on this planet for 20+ years that we would have mastered the process of making friends.
But, the reality is that women are complex and people are weird. The older we all get, the more confusing we become. Sometimes we give off vibes that we don’t intend to.
I’m all about second, third, and forth chances but there comes a time when you just need to let people go.
Signs that it’s time for a friendship breakup
We may be the most complex creatures on the planet but there’s one thing every woman learns at some point in her life: good friends are hard to come by.
Quality should always trump quantity.
You’d think this knowledge would make everything a bit easier but instead:
It creates this need within us to hold onto every friend we make.
It’s especially difficult to let go of friends that we’ve known our entire lives. Sometimes, we just need to remind ourselves that life is too short to waste time on people who don’t value us.
Sometimes, you just have to admit to yourself that a friendship breakup is necessary.
1. You’re the only one making an effort.
Do you regularly find yourself reaching out to your friend to make plans? You’re taking time off of work and coming up with fun ideas to spend time together.
Maybe you’re always texting them first.
Do you check in with them to see how the appointment went or to give them some encouragement but you don’t feel the same effort?
It might be time to end the friendships. Honestly, their lack of effort might be a hint that they don’t want to continue the friendship anyways.
2. They’re a bad influence.
We’ve been taught not to hang out with bad influences since grade school, yet here we are, questioning our choices in friends.
If your friend is always pressuring you to do things that your gut is telling you not to, then you should reevaluate your friendship.
It’s so easy to get caught up in old habits or to pick up new bad habits (yes, even as adults) because of the people you’re spending your time with.
Real friends will set you soul on fire.
Real friends will set you soul on fire and make you a better person, not drag you down with them.
If you find yourself regretting decisions you’ve made after spending time with this person, then maybe you should reconsider the friendship.
3. Your values don’t align.
I think it’s okay to have a wide variety of friends. Some of us even have friends that are perfect for different seasons in our lives.
However, it’s important that your core values align.
You’ll notice a lot of disputes if you both don’t value things like integrity, self-control, and humility.
Friends are meant to learn from one another but if you’re always at odds then maybe it’s time to move on.
4. They’re unreliable.
You can only be stood up so many times before you stop relying on a person. How many times will you allow someone to break promises and commitments before you say that enough is enough?
Your time is worth more than that.
5. They don’t cheer you on.
If your friend doesn’t cheer you on then are they really your friend at all?
Let me make this clear: they should cheer on your successes and life choices.
A good friend should be honest but gentle.
A good friend shouldn’t agree with every decision you make or tell you what you want to hear. They should be honest but gentle.
But, if you’re accomplishing your goals and they aren’t by your side then leave them behind! You don’t need ’em.
6. They bring you more negativity than joy.
If you’re constantly annoyed or frustrated after talking to this person then why even waste your time?
Friends are meant to make your life better.
Friends are meant to make your life better. It’s not always going to be sunshine and rainbows, but if you dread conversations with this person then maybe it’s time for a friendship breakup.
We’re grown women – arguments and drama shouldn’t be a regular thing.
7. They don’t respect you.
If you’re constantly trying to prove yourself or explain yourself then you aren’t getting the respect that you deserve.
Likewise, nobody in your life should ever call you names or say hurtful things to or about you.
Many friends will disguise this verbal abuse as “keepin’ it real” or “being honest”. Don’t fall for that.
If it makes you feel uncomfortable and it’s a common thing then it’s not okay.
Friends should raise you up, tell you when you’re wrong, but always be gentle and loving. If you feel beaten down or scolded, get out while you can.
8. They don’t stand up for you.
I kinda look at friends as our own little detectives and soldiers. They’re always looking out for you and ready to go to war for you.
A friend should always be looking out for you and ready to go to war for you.
If you have a “friend” who is always telling you about others badmouthing you, just ask yourself this:
What makes the other person feel comfortable enough to badmouth you to your friend?
If someone says anything bad about your real friend, they will make it known quickly that it’s not okay.
A real friend will never throw you under the bus or remain quiet when someone else is. Keep that in mind!
9. They’re too self-involved.
A fellow blogger and mother, wrote a relatable post about giving your friend some grace, and it really opened my eyes. Am I too self-involved? I was in my third trimester of pregnancy at the time, so I was sure that I was.
As guilty as that made me feel, I also knew that I deserved a little bit of grace.
After things settled down, I made a conscious effort to ask more questions and make more of an effort with the friends who always seemed to do the same for me.
I definitely noticed an improvement in some friendships, but a few feel behind.
This is why:
There are friends who only seem to contact you when they want to vent or brag.
If you chat for an hour and you find yourself with a list of unsaid things then maybe your friend is too self-involved.
Give them some grace but only for so long.
Maybe your friend talks so much about how “great” her life that you feel like you’re supposed to be jealous (even though you aren’t) or maybe it makes you feel down about your own accomplishments.
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There are even the people who can’t help but to talk about all the great things happening when you’re going through a really rough time.
If this is a common thing then it’s probably time for a friendship breakup. Friendship isn’t one-sided and you aren’t only there to listen. You should be able to vent and be excited, too.
10. You’ve expressed your concerns and they don’t seem to care.
The most obvious sign that a friendship is over is when you’ve expressed your concerns with your friendship and they don’t care.
If you’ve told them that you’re not feeling valued and they continue to do the exact same thing over & over again then you need to breakup with them.
Not only is it careless, it’s blatantly disrespectful and you deserve so much more than that!
Tell them exactly how you feel, adjust your crown, and keep slaying like the queen you are. You’ll meet the royalty you deserve along the way!
Is it time for a friendship breakup?
I know what you’re thinking: do I really need to breakup with them? Why can’t I just stop talking to them?
Because you need closure.
Everyone needs closure and it’s your right and duty to put all the cards on the table.
If you’ve reached the point of breaking up with your friend, then you’ve exhausted all other options.
My advice is this:
Allow yourself to speak freely about how you feel. If you don’t then you’ll hold onto it forever and you never want to end a chapter with a cliffhanger.
I’m sure you want the best for them after you part ways. Give them a parting gift by gently letting them know where things went wrong so moving forward they can work on themselves.
Maybe they will be a better friend to the next gal.
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